More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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