My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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