a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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