The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize