GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
