so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
