It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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