Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
