She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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