dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
