Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize