Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
