I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
