i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
