when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
