Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
