I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
3pm strippers are depressing
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
