epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
