He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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