WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
