I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
