I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
