you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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