Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
