i think my tv is drunk
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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