I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
