Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
