ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
