roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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