Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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