Church boner. Awkwardddd
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
