he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize