the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
