grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
