Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize