Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
