i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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