All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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