Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
