I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
