clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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