i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
