While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
