bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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