He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
