Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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