but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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