Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
