how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
