I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
