I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
