yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
