i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
