you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
