He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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