The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
