I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
