dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
