i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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