Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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