it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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