the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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