Jerry, you need to find god
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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