i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Randomize
