so explain again why im purple
no
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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