She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
