i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
