it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think my moral compass just broke
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
