As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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