What a fucking waste of an outfit
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
