My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
