I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
