Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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