There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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