Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
