so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
