just come out here and I will go home with you...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
God, I missed his penis.
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