Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
