She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
