You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize