i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
