oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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