carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
