I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
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