I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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