Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
