i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
