Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
