Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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