I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
