He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The Olympian is in my bed
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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