when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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