Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
