You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
