Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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