You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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