quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
