dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
That accounts for only three of the penises
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
