I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
