so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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