This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
