So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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