I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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