Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Randomize
