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• (248): View more from Michigan

  We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Playoffs. This shit is serious.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...

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• (650): View more from California

  I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"

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• (818): View more from California

  We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.

  (619): View more from California

  I will find you...

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married

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• (347): View more from New York

  Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."

  (512): View more from Texas

  No more tequila EVER.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.

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