Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
