Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
