Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
