So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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