Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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