Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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