Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just want to make out with him forever
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
