thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
tonight lets celebrate not being married
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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