absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
