i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
